Monday, 13 January 2014

Husband Hates Tattoos

How important is personal freedom and how important is maintaining the peace in a relationship? How much compromise should there be by a person when it comes to his or her own personal decisions that don't have any real impact on the other partner?!

My husband hates tattoos as I've mentioned before. Especially since it's for religious reasons, he feels like he has more than just the right to an opinion, he feels I have the obligation to listen to him. I tried telling him that this was important enough for me that I would get one someday and could not accept to have this choice taken away from me. I wanted him to at least accept the idea that I would get one so that from there we could discuss a possible design and placement and get to compromise. A smaller design than I would ideally want and a subtle placement. I didn't want to upset him but I didn't want to be controlled either.

After consideration on the above question, I guess my answer was that personal freedom is quite important (when it doesn't oppress others) and I decided to get my tattoo with no real consideration for him since he had no consideration for my position and my rights as an individual. It's pretty big (size of a palm) and though it's not visible on a day to day basis since I wear pants or capris, it IS visible if I'm standing before him naked. It's a heart with a flower in it, centred right above my left knee.

At this present moment, 6 weeks later, I still feel I made the right choice in putting myself first and doing what I wanted. I'm in love with my tattoo, I feel happy with what I got and where and I have no regrets. I was left feeling extremely guilty after I got it and for the 3 days it took for me to muster up the courage to tell my husband. A lot of it was fear at his reaction but some part of it was guilt at going behind his back - this is not exactly good in a marriage and it hurt the trust between us a little bit. I couldn't have done it otherwise though which is why I maintain that I have NO REGRETS. It just sucks to have been put in that position.

My husband seems to have accepted that I have this and that it's not going anywhere. He went through the stages of grief.

Denial:
- I need to tell you something. I got a tattoo.
- No you didn't...
- I did.
- No.... You didn't get one!
- But I did.

Anger:
- Your tattoo is disgusting, admit that you couldn't have chosen a more awful and hideous design and that it looks like shit!

Bargaining:
- I will pay for it, I don't care! But we will get the guy to colour it back to your skin colour!!
- You can't tattoo beige over these colours, it will not go back to regular skin.
- There are other ways, we will see professionals on removing this, however they do it! Whatever the cost!

Depression:
-OMG our marriage is over, I'm single again, her skin will always be coloured in that spot, I will never see beige above her left knee again, I can't believe this is happening!

Acceptance:
- OK, she's still the same person, I don't see the tattoo that often. I can get over this, life continues!





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